Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Drunken Porn Driving Escapades: The Eddie Griffin Story

Recently, I was reminded of a basketball related story by a friend of mine, and fellow fantasy basketball junkie.  Manager of "Hanes Shredders" in the 420 Championship, he currently resides in 4th place, exactly 4 games ahead of my sorry ass team--Hofe's Horndogs.  Although I am feeling optimistic, as Kevin Love has been exceptional in his 2 games back from injury, and all but one of my players is finally healthy--Michael Redd, I'm looking at you!

Anyway, back to the story.  This is one of suspensions, porn, alcohol, an in-car DVD player, a motor vehicle, a train crash and little bit of basketball--this is the story of Eddie Griffin.

Eddie Griffin, 7th pick of the New Jersey Nets in the 2001 NBA draft, died over 2 years ago at the age of 25 after his SUV collided into a freight train.  Now, it was well-know that Griffin was a drinker, and liked to drive his SUV after downing a few.  In fact, Griffin had previously been arrested for smashing into a parked car while driving drunk and masturbating at the same time he was watching a porn video on his in-car DVD player.  That sounds like a lot of stuff to be doing at once, while jerking it!  No wonder he got into an accident--rookie mistake, one of the reasons he slipped to the 7th overall pick.  

I digress, back to the fiery crash.  Griffin ignored a railway signal, drove through a barrier and into a moving train.  His body was so badly burned that they needed to use dental records to ID him, as he wasn't carrying any identification.  The legend is that Eddie was on another one of his drunken porn driving escapades, and in an attempt to rid himself of a boner that just wouldn't de-bone he tried to pull off the ultimate orgasm, which involves a person climaxing while racing over a railroad track just ahead of a speeding train; do it right, and you're psycho.  Do it wrong, and you're Eddie Griffin.  I believe they call it "Choke the Train".  Check out these guys' version of the Choke Train!

Eddie Griffin lived too short a life.  Unfortunately, it seemed he had many problems and abused alcohol to hide from them.  He was often suspended during his brief NBA career, and even missed almost an entire year due to alcoholism.  As one writer put it, "I understand the tragedy of death, especially for someone so young, but I have to salute Griffin: that's a helluva way to go out." 

We'll miss your crazy antics, Eddie.  Farewell.   

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